Shards of Ice
by silver-wolf-demon-girl
Summary: "Your touch may freeze her. Your embrace could shatter her in pieces. So you squeeze your arms and stay where you are. Away from your little sister. Your little sister that needs you more than ever right now. But you have to keep her safe. Keep her safe.." -Basically this is an attempted dive into Elsa's psyche. Good 'ol simple angsty stuff.


**Shards of Ice**

 **A/N: I am stressed. I've been stressed! I will be stressed during this whole damn month.**

 **This is a product of me trying to cope with all my stupid exams again and I couldn't possibly pick up anything of my other works that requires plot and planning. I don't have time for that anyways.**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoy. Plz leave a comment or fave if you do. I feed on your attention. Muahahahahaha! XD**

* * *

It's so much fun. Knowing that you can turn every single room in the castle into a fun paradise just with a flick of your fingers, a small tap with your foot! A little concentration and lots looots of puffy snow appears on the spot. Lots of slippery ice where you can slide and dance and jump and play. Pretty snowflakes and cute snowmen. Well they are all the same snowman. You just make him over and over. Olaf is his name and Olaf likes warm hugs.

And most importantly it's so much fun to play with Anna. To watch her giggle and laugh and admire you with shinning eyes. It makes you feel amazing. You're the big sister she adores. And you love making her happy and making her look you with those shinny adoring eyes.

The only thing you don't understand and sometimes makes you feel a bit sad, is that after some time of fun and games Anna gets cold. And you both have to take a break. You don't understand this. The cold never bothers you.

Ice and snow. They're like a cool breeze on your skin. Pleasant! Always ready to form on the edge of your thoughts and an instant later to the world. It's so easy. It's so much fun! You love your power. You love snow. You love playing with Anna!

You never thought you'd come to hate it that much. You never thought it would scare you. You almost killed her! You almost killed her just like that! Just a careless thought and the magic formed without you controlling it. You really didn't mean it. You wanted to catch her before she fell. You didn't mean it! You didn't!

You don't want to hurt her. You don't want to lose those shinning eyes. You'd rather be locked away. Where she can't reach you. Where she's safe from you and your snowy thoughts. Thoughts that can turn real and cause such pain. You don't want to hurt her or anyone else. If only..If only you could make them disappear.

You hate your powers. You really do. And you wish the cold could bother you just like everyone else. You wish it could bother you like Anna. Then you could be together out there. Out to build another snowman. Out to be close to her. You wouldn't have to be alone. Or afraid.

And it hurts. Hurts so badly. How can they be gone? The only ones who knew.

Her soft smile and warmth won't be there anymore to cast at least some of your loneliness away.

His gentle touch, the first and only one that hurried to your aid with absolute no fear of you loathsome powers, each time you needed it.

Gone. Devoured by the merciless sea. Lost forever. .

Your chest hurts so bad you feel like choking. You feel like you're the one drowning.

No! You can't handle it! You can't do this alone!

Your heartbeat cannot possibly be human. It's like thunder, a roaring, monstrous growl which rips your flesh in half and reaches deep inside you. Deep inside your chest and soul and to your very core.

Darkness and icy cold fear. And it hurts. And it burst violently slashing the walls like the claws of a dark beast. This time it's not even guided by your thoughts. It doesn't come from the edges of them as usual. They aren't the ones who form the slashes on the walls. It's the worst part and the fact that you cannot control it the slightest bit scares you to no end. All these years and nothing has changed. Nothing has ever become any better. Only worse. You are certain this will continue on. Forever. Each and every effort wasted. Useless. And it still hurts.

When Anna's broken voice pleads from behind the always closed door you are too exhausted. Too worn out from pain to react. You shouldn't anyways. The only person you love and is still there lies behind that feeble piece of wood. You wish you could talk to her and soothe her pain along with your anguish. You wish you could hug her with all your might.

But who knows.

Your touch may freeze her. Your embrace could shatter her in pieces.

So you squeeze your arms and stay where you are. Away from your little sister. Your little sister that needs you more than ever right now. But you have to keep her safe. Keep her safe..

How ugly are those dark marks surrounding you. How disgusting..You hate your powers. You truly do. You wish they could just disappear. You wish you would just disappear.

You really put much effort to make it through this day! Just one day and you'll be back to your isolation. Anna makes it worse. She looks at you with hope. Hope that you'll stay. Hope that'll you'll be together again just like you used to be. But you can't. Images of her lying unconscious and not moving. Frozen like a dead corpse. All because of you! They still haunt you. You won't risk it. One day and it'll be over. You just have to hold on till then.

But of course not. Everything that could go wrong goes. And you argue with her and you don't understand how she can be so naïve about this guy. And she yells and she shouts and she accuses you and you can't answer her questions. Many of them fair. Many of them justified.

And then it comes. You can't take it anymore! Something busts inside you and it cracks the surface of your restrain. Everyone sees. You failed to keep it a secret.

You wanted to disappear right? Well you might as well just run away. All your thoughts are focused on escape and for once after so long, your powers aid you and carry you far far away.

Alone..here in the mountain, you don't feel trapped anymore. You allow yourself to forget, to not care. It's not like you didn't try. It's not like you gave up right away. You struggled and struggled till the very end. You can't believe you did it! You can't believe you ran away! You feel so light! So free! Up here you can't hurt anyone. Up here you feel the heavy darkness lift it's thick curtains just a bit from your soul.

And you can feel the cool breeze caress your skin. The cold finally envelops you with no fear. This is you. In control. Not a good girl anymore. Not a mindless and sad little doll to the cruel hands of everybody's expectations.

And you let go.


End file.
